Premarital sex among Filipino teenagers

By: Dr. Bernardo M. Villegas
INQUIRER.net

 4share81 70

OFWs working in North America or Europe are very much aware of rampant premarital sex among adolescents in their respective host countries. It is taken for granted that chastity is an old-fashioned virtue that young people can no longer practice because of the sexually permissive environment in which they live. Deep within, these OFWs—especially mothers who left their children behind—are still hoping and praying that their daughters and sons continue to value chastity and do not go the way of adolescents in many Western societies.

These concerned parents must do everything in their power to prevent the controversial RH Bill from being passed. The obsession with the promotion of artificial contraceptives among those pushing the so-called RH Bill is partly based on the assumption that we have to prevent unwanted pregnancies among adolescents who find it impossible to avoid premarital sex. This presupposition is based on the empirical observation that in many countries in the Western world, the majority of teenage girls have had sex before they get married. Those in favor of the RH Bill claim that they are just being “realists.” To them chastity is an impossible ideal. Well, I claim that they are defeatists. They are assuming that the youth in the Philippines cannot rise above their purely animal instincts. Before they even try, these lawmakers have given up on values and character education of the youth and the spiritual formation that can come from religious faith, whatever the creed.

It was very refreshing for me to read a blog of sports and media celebrity Chris Tiu. This famous basketball star wrote a commentary on an event he attended at the SMX of Mall of Asia where he joined some 8,000 people, most of them young women and men, to listen to Jason Evert, an American “Chastity” speaker. Mr. Evert was in the Philippines during the last days of February 2011 and spoke to different audiences in Metro Manila and Iloilo about the importance of fostering the virtue of chastity among the young people of the Philippines. Let us listen to what Chris Tiu said about the talk of Jason Evert.

“I never could have imagined myself attending a chastity talk although I am a believer of chastity and purity . . . Honestly, my understanding was that it was going to be a talk about love and relationships, not about chastity . . . The program started with a Holy Mass, after which I was introduced to Jason by a friend . . . Jason must have read what was going on in my mind and so he picked me as a volunteer at the beginning of his talk  He wanted to start his talk with the question, ‘How far is too far in a relationship?’ And to illustrate his point he made me put on a ‘Lady Gaga’ wig and acted out as if we were on a date. And in an instant, he lifted me upon his shoulders! One hand supporting me, and the other holding the mic! Deep inside, I was thinking, Wow! This guy is strong!  I stand at 5’11″ and Jason was just about 5′ 7″. He was probably 30 lbs. lighter than I. Then he lifted me towards the end of the stage and asked me if he should still go on. Of course, I said NO! And he took me down and thanked me for volunteering!

“So, what’s his point? The point is not to put our loved ones in danger. We said that asking ‘how far can I go with a girl without sinning’ can be put more positively into ‘how far can I go with a girl in protecting her innocence.’ Think of it this way. He invited us to think of our future wife who may be dating another guy right now. How far do we want that guy to go with her? It is like Stephen Covey’s ‘thinking with the end in mind,’ the end here being marriage. Then he said, ‘Girls, do not allow a guy to lift the veil of your body before he lifts the veil on your head—in marriage.’

“To illustrate his point further he cited statistics in the US which show that those who married as virgins had a divorce rate of 70 percent less than those who were not. This was taken from a 700-page book compiling the results of a research that had the largest survey respondents. What made me think deeper was his analogy of our love for our future wife with the love of Christ for the Church. He quoted St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians. I couldn’t help but think of Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion of the Christ’ where he described how Jesus suffered for us, His Church, His Bride.  He said that that’s how much we have to be willing to suffer for our future wife. And part of that sacrifice is to live a chaste life now. We need to free ourselves so that we can love!”

Chris Tiu was especially impressed with the candor with which Jason spoke about his own personal experience. The eloquent speaker from the US was addressing especially the girls in the audience. He wanted to disabuse them of the idea that by giving in to the lustful desire of a boyfriend, they would be loved more. On the contrary, that would be the best way to lose his respect. To demonstrate this point, he told the story of a lady named Cristalina: “When she allowed her boyfriend to have sex with her, he started mistreating her and calling her names.  After a while, the usual excitement of being together was gone. Love had been confused with lust. Until her mom insisted and dragged her to attend a chastity talk. Finally, she decided to break off with the guy. Instead of engaging in sexual acts, what she did was she started writing love letters for her future husband whom she had not yet met. The letters indicated that ‘I did not give in to temptation tonight, because I am saving myself for you!’ After a few years, on her wedding day, she gave them all to her husband, who happened to be Jason himself! She also gave him a white candle with a fresh wick (as a symbol of preserving her body up to the time of marriage from her conversion).

I am sure there are numerous young women and men reading this article who can think as Chris Tiu does about the importance of chastity before marriage. They can distinguish between love and lust. They can have enough strength of character, reinforced by the grace from prayer and the Sacraments, so that chastity before marriage is not an impossible ideal for them. They can give the lie to the insulting presupposition of those pushing for artificial contraceptives that chastity before marriage is an impossible ideal.

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Handsome poor no match to ugly rich

Philippine Daily Inquirer MANILA, Philippines—Well, that’s that for romance. In choosing a lifetime partner, more than half of Filipinos (51 percent) prefer someone who is “ugly but rich” to someone who is “good-looking but poor” (46 percent), according to a survey by the Social Weather Stations (SWS) . But the results of the Fourth Quarter 2010 survey released Friday also showed that more Filipino men than women believe that love, and not money, conquers all. Among Filipino men, 52 percent will choose someonegood-looking but poor, and 46 percent, someone rich but ugly . On the other hand, more Filipino women are inclined to choose a life partner who is rich but ugly (57 percent) to someone who is good-looking but poor (41 percent). The survey also showed that more than half of Filipinos, or 55 percent, are “very happy” with their love life, while 34 percent say it “could be happier.” Those who profess to have “no love life” account for 11 percent. 1,200 respondents The survey, conducted on Nov. 27-30, 2010, asked 1,200 adults nationwide: “If you were to choose one of the following two persons to be your lifetime partner, who would you pick: A person who is ugly but rich, or a person who is good-looking but poor?” Among men, majorities of those 55 years old and above (60 percent), 45 to 54 years (54 percent), and 18 to 24 years or the youth (56 percent) will choose someone who is good-looking but poor rather than someone rich but ugly. On the other hand, 53 percent of men aged 25 to 34 are more inclined to choose someone who is rich but ugly than someone good-looking but poor. Middle-aged men, or those 34 to 44 years old, are divided: 50 percent will prefer someone ugly but rich, while 49 percent will choose one who is good-looking but poor. Among women, preference for a life partner who is ugly but rich is high across all age groups, the SWS noted. The preference is highest among women who are 18 to 24 years old (71 percent). The percentage decreases as age increases: 61 percent among those 25 to 34 years old, 57 percent among those 35 to 44 years old, 51 percent among those 45 to 54 years old, and 50 percent among those 55 and above. By region, class By area, 55 percent in both Metro Manila and in Luzon outside Metro Manila will choose someone ugly but rich for a life partner, while 56 percent in Mindanao will choose someone good-looking but poor. Those from the Visayas are divided, with 50 percent saying they prefer someone ugly but rich, and 49 percent, someone good-looking but poor. By class, more than half of those from classes ABC (57 percent) and class D (52 percent) will prefer someone ugly but rich. About half or 51 percent of class E will choose someone good-looking but poor. The respondents were also asked to describe their love life in the following terms: “no love life,” “could be happier,” or “very happy.” More Filipinos are happy with their love life in 2010 (55 percent) than when SWS last asked the question in 2004 (46 percent). The question was first asked in 2002, with 58 percent professing happiness in their love life. On the other hand, those who say their love life “could be happier” declined to 34 percent in 2010, from 44 percent in 2004. In 2002, 32 percent said their love life “could be happier.” The number of those who say they have “no love life” hardly changed at 11 percent. Marriage a plus Married people have a happier love life, with 64 percent saying they are “very happy” as compared to 43 percent among those with a live-in partner, and 33 percent among those single. More than half of those with live-in partners (55 percent) say their love life “could be happier” as compared to 36 percent among those married, and 21 percent among those single. Curiously, more than four in 10 single persons (45 percent) say they have “no love life.” There are more single females (53 percent) than single males (38 percent) who say they have “no love life.” By age, only two of five (44 percent) of the youth (aged 18 to 24) are “very happy” with their love life, lower compared than most of the older people who claim to be “very happy” with their love life: 53 percent among those 25 to 34, 60 percent among those 35 to 44, 52 percent among those 45 to 54 and 59 percent among those 55 and above. Among the youth, one of four (26 percent) say they have no love life, higher than the older age groups. By area, about seven in 10 of those from Mindanao (71 percent) and Visayas (67 percent) say their love life is “very happy,” as compared to 57 percent in Metro Manila and 40 percent in the balance of Luzon. Nearly five in 10, or 48 percent, of those in the balance of Luzon say their love life “could be happier,” as compared to 29 percent in Metro Manila, 22 percent in the Visayas and 21 percent in Mindanao. Noncommissioned items The survey used face-to-face interviews, and has an error margin of plus-minus 3 percentage points for national percentages. The survey questions on happiness with love life and preference for lifetime partners are noncommissioned items, the SWS said. Lawrence de Guzman, Inquirer Research Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer