Family ties

Philippine Daily Inquirer

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The family is one of the oldest and most important social institutions on earth. Anthropologist Margaret Mead, based on her research, affirmed the centrality of the nuclear family in human society.  She said: “As far back as our knowledge takes us, human beings have lived in families. We know of no period when this was not so. We know of no people who have succeeded for long in dissolving the family or displacing it… Again and again, in spite of proposals for change and actual experiments, human societies have reaffirmed their dependence on the family as the basic unit of human living—the family of father, mother and children.’’

All over the world, the family is considered the bedrock of a nation, and the Philippines is no exception. Indeed, the Philippines is one country where family ties are the strongest. It is thus fitting that the nation should take some time to reflect on the family and seek to strengthen family unity and relationships by promoting Filipino family values this week, national Family Week.

Michelle Ong, in a paper in 2000, said that the typical Filipino family is “economically disadvantaged’’ (a euphemism for poor), with parents having jobs that cannot provide for all the needs of the family. She also said that the Filipino family is child-centered, with a married couple becoming a family only with the birth of a child. The family is also perceived to be an important aspect of the Filipino’s life as happiness is closely associated with a satisfying and harmonious family situation.

All over the world, the family is being subjected to various stresses and strains, and again, the Philippines is no exception. An East-West paper said that increasing urbanization and industrialization and the high level of poverty have drastically changed Philippine society, and we presume, also the nuclear family. Many children, because of the OFW phenomenon, are growing up under the care of single or surrogate parents.

It is the family that prepares a child for life in the adult world. Here, the child first experiences the love, care and attention that help launch him into a bigger, more complex environment. The parents are the primary influence in molding children’s values, norms, attitudes and standards of right or wrong. Children who spend most of their growing years in an intact family structure generally receive more and better guidance and attention that protect them from engaging in socially unwanted and negative behaviors such as smoking, drug use, drinking or engaging in commercial or premarital sex.

In 2001, the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines lamented in a pastoral statement that many social situations are beginning to destroy or deform the family. The CBCP called poverty “the silent killer of families,’’ forcing many spouses to separate for one or both of them to work abroad. Separation causes children to suffer great psychological harm and sometimes leads to the breakup of families.

The OFW phenomenon has its good and bad effects. Among the good: the children of migrants are better off financially and generally get a better education. But the negative: The migrants’ children are described as lonely, materialistic, consumerist, selfish, anxious and resentful. Many of them feel abandoned. Yes, now the OFW parents are able to maintain constant contact with their children through cell phones, e-mail, Skype, videocams and other state-of-the art gadgets, but they cannot take the place and provide the warmth and love of face-to-face interaction between parent and child.

Many economic and social factors are threatening the unity of marriage and the existence of many families. It is thus necessary that the government solve as soon as possible the perennial problems of poverty and lack of gainful employment, so that more and more parents would stay in the Philippines and continue to care for their children.

As the family suffers the strains and stresses of the modern world, the words of anthropologist Paul Bohannan may be reassuring to all of us: “The family is the most adaptable of all human institutions, changing with every social demand. The family does not break in a storm as oak or pine trees do, but bends before the wind like the bamboo tree in Oriental tales and springs up again.’’

Filipino is British hospitals’ Nurse of the Year

By Madonna Virola
Inquirer Southern Luzon

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The Philippine embassy cites Medran as a good example for OFWs.

CALAPAN—A Filipino from this Oriental Mindoro city  was named Nurse of the Year during the 2011 Star Awards of the Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals (BSUH).

Teodoro “Junjun” Medran Jr., 38, a clinical charge nurse at the Royal Sussex County Hospital in the United Kingdom, was chosen from over 60 nominees, mostly British, by patients, colleagues and a board of judges that included member of parliament Nicolas Soames, a grandson of the late prime minister Winston Churchill.

Following the award, Medran said in an e-mail that he was cited by the Philippine Embassy in London for being a good example for overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) and struggling parents.

Medran has also been nominated for the Blas Ople Bagong Bayani Award

2011, which recognizes the role of OFWs in fostering high standards of responsibility, efficiency and integrity among overseas workers; and in promoting the welfare of OFWs.

Now on its second year, the Nurse of the Year award is given by the BSUH National Health Services in cooperation with The Argus newspapers.  Last year’s awardee was a Briton.

The BSUH is described in its web site as the regional teaching hospital operating across two sites: the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton and the Princess Royal Hospital in Haywards Heath.

Medran said the award was a recognition of the hard work and professionalism of Filipino nurses and OFWs.

The Department of Foreign Affairs estimates that 250,000 Filipinos live in the UK.

As clinical charge nurse, Medran said part of his job was to certify dead patients who, sometimes, did not have relatives. “I make sure I am with them (before they die), holding their hands, reciting prayers. I always whisper in their ears my wish that they be reunited with the Lord in heaven,” he said.

“I always make my patients happy by singing love and joyful songs to, at least, ease their anxiety.  There’s so much from within to share,

like love-filled childhood,” he said.

Medran said he learned his empathy for others from his father, who would give away even the food he was about to eat if somebody asked for it. His father believed the giver was more blessed than the recipient.

A graduate of Arellano University at 18, Medran went to the UK in 1999, after working at the Lung Center of the Philippines for six years, then  the Philippine Heart Center for two years. He  was also a college lecturer while waiting for the board examination results.

“Almost half of my life was spent in the hospital so I said, ‘Why not treat everyone as a family member, too?’ It must really be a calling because I continue to be excited everyday in doing the same job,” he said.

He saw his work as more than just caring for the human body and saving lives.  “To touch the soul and emotion of another,  I always put myself in someone else’s shoes and always feel that I am a member of the families of my patients.  When they are lonely or without visitors, I like feeding them if they can’t feed themselves and making them look good by giving them a shave and cutting their hair.  I believe that if they look good they will feel good,” he said

Former patients who returned to the hospital would always ask for him upon admission. Medran would give them a hug, happy to see that they had recovered.

He said, though there were challenges, his courage and strong faith in God enabled  him to overcome the obstacles.

Medran is married to another nurse, Cindy Laroco of Baguio City, who works in the same hospital. They have three children: Michaela Argenta, 6; Thea Mikayla, 5; and Theodore, 3.

When God closes doors …

By Casiano Mayor Jr.
Philippine Daily Inquirer

MANILA, Philippines—I went home from work that night with a heavy heart. I had just lost my job as a subeditor with the Saudi Gazette in Jeddah where I had worked for the past six years. I was 62.

Losing my job at the twilight years of my life with an eight-year-old daughter and a wife to look after was surreal. With only a little savings in the bank, we were not prepared to go home.

It was one of the most trying times in my life. How do I fend for my family? We came to Saudi Arabia to escape a harsh life in Manila and the prospect of going home unprepared was a nightmare.

At that time, we were planning to migrate to New Zealand. My wife, a nurse, 14 years younger than I, had barely started to scout for a job there. When I got my termination notice in January 2005, I saw that dream collapse. We had to use the money we had saved for that purpose for more immediate needs.


Tragic news

Though shattered, I told my wife about the tragic news as calmly as I could. “Don’t be alarmed,” I opened up as she settled next to me on our sofa in the living room to watch TV, “I got fired from my job and we have to go home by the end of the month.”

I saw shock in her eyes. Instinctively, I assured her that I could still work as a subeditor in Manila and, with our modest savings, she could open a bigger store than what we used to have back home before I went to work in Saudi Arabia.

My wife, who quit her job to take care of our daughter when the child was born in 1997, wasn’t convinced and pleaded with me to look for another job, any job, as a lifeline until we could move to New Zealand or any other western country.


Grace period

As I always do in my trying times, I prayed for divine guidance and later asked my editor-in-chief to allow me to look for another job instead of sending me home. I was buoyed when the company gave me a six-month grace period to look for a new job. But it marked only the beginning of a new travail.

After failing to get a job with the Arab News, the only other English newspaper in Saudi Arabia, I discovered that I could hardly find even an ordinary office job. My wife, who also started scouting for work, did not fare any better either. My problem was my age; hers was an eight-year gap in her employment record.

Since my family joined me in Jeddah in 2000, we have been holding our own private prayer sessions. Through our trial, my wife would occasionally feel a muted anger against God for “abandoning” us.

I told my wife that probably God was just testing our faith. We held on to faith. From my experiences, I learned to practice the counsel in Proverbs: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; never lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will show you the right path.”


Growing desperation

In June, as I grew more desperate after my applications for published job vacancies got no responses and the referrals of friends turned out fruitless, I got an unexpected call from a Filipino, a friend of our next-door neighbor, working in a construction company. He advised me to see another Filipino in a sister company, another construction company involved in power plants and related projects.

I got interviewed and was asked to report for work as soon as I could wind up my job at the Gazette. God has endowed me with genes that make me look 10 years younger than my age and I got lucky that the personnel manager who interviewed me did not bother to look into my curriculum vitae.

I was offered a clerical job that would pay a third less than my previous salary. I decided not to report for work at once on the pretext that the Gazette had asked me to stay for a while. I was still hoping to find another job with better pay. I did not find any.

By August, a month after my grace-period to look for a new job had lapsed, the Gazette cut my pay by half. It was time to go. I rang up Francis, my Filipino contact at the construction company but he told me that his boss had accepted a new applicant who was expected to report to work in the first week of August. My heart sunk.


Strange coincidences

What happened next was a series of strange coincidences I will never forget ever. In mid-August, I got an intuitive urge to give Francis another call, hoping for an unforeseen turn of event. The improbable happened. Francis told me his boss had a change of mind and was reconsidering hiring me if I would accept a lower pay. I bit the bullet.

I was happy but the euphoria did not last long. The day before I was to report for work, I called up Francis for a reconfirmation before I went home from the Gazette at five in the afternoon. I was dumbstruck to hear that his boss did not want to sign my contract anymore—for no reason at all.

My wife cried uncontrollably when I told her about it as soon as I got home. It turned out that she also failed to get a job she had applied for on the same day. We prayed for divine succor. I prayed to Jesus to touch the heart of Francis’ boss who was still at his office with Francis at that time. About 30 minutes after we said our prayers, my cell phone rang. It was Francis, telling me his boss signed my work contract at last.

My wife and I wept. We embraced and shed tears of joy. The next day, my wife called up a hospital where she applied for a job the previous week. She was told to go there to sign her contract. We got our jobs a few days apart in August.


A long hardship trail

End of our travail? No.
Seven months after I started working at the construction company, I almost lost my job in a new trial that would further strengthen my faith afterwards. That was in February 2006, shortly after we moved to a new office. I had a falling out with my boss, a man with fiery mood swings.

As early as two months into my job, I started telling my wife how unhappy I was, and that I wanted to quit owing to my boss’ temper. She pleaded with me to hang on until I could find another job. Her pay was not enough for us to live by. I took patience but it did not take long for my fuse to snap.

It happened one morning while he was ranting about my work without giving me a chance to explain. “I can’t take this anymore and I don’t care if you fire me,” I told him and turned away. As I went back to my desk, he called out to Francis, who was our payroll officer, to close my account.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you this time. You shouldn’t have talked back,” Francis whispered when he went over to my desk. Another Filipino, Gilbert, our IT engineer, offered his sympathy. I put up a bold front. “Don’t worry,” I told him. “God will take care of me.”

Deep inside I was devastated. How would my wife take this? I prayed silently, “Lord, I don’t understand all of this, but I trust you. Please don’t leave us in the midst of this crisis.”


Another coincidence?

While I was packing my things, Francis told me our boss wanted me to stay. I learned later that our Filipino secretary, who was left at the old office to take telephone calls and monitor the fax messages while the communication lines at the new office were being set up, did not report for work that morning. I was to take his place in the meantime. He never showed up after that.

Francis made it clear to me that it was a holdover job that may last only three months. I must start looking for a new job. When the telecommunication lines in the new office were put in place, I had to go. It was a week before March, the start of summer break for the Philippine schools in Saudi Arabia. I thanked God for the lifeline, hoping to get a teaching job in any Philippine school when classes opened in June, no matter if the pay would be smaller.

By May, Francis brought me good tidings. I was to be reassigned to the new office because the new secretary, an Indian, was not allowed by his previous employer to transfer. I moved to the new office within a week and worked as secretary to the newly hired executive manager, Ralph Lorenzo, a Filipino who proved to be an epitome of civility.


Answered prayers

I had been working with the construction company for exactly two years last August 30. My wife had moved to one of Jeddah’s two biggest hospitals. Although we do not see any silver lining to our dream of moving to New Zealand, we take the Biblical advice in Proverbs “Be still and know that I am Lord.”

I have had my own share of answered prayers since I returned to the Faith after losing God when I was a journalism student in Manila and I have come to believe that when God closes doors, He opens new ones. I believe in God’s mysterious ways.

***

In 2008, Saudi Gazette rehired me to help launch the Kabayan, a Filipino page, with a bigger financial package than my previous pay. The page was later abolished but the Gazette has retained me.

We have abandoned our plan to immigrate to New Zealand after my wife’s visa was turned down by its immigration office in Dubai in 2009 when recession hit the world. My wife is also 54 now, a year short of the age cap for immigration to New Zealand.

We are preparing for our homecoming in three years time when our daughter finishes high school here, but have not closed the door for other possibilities, knowing from experience that God oftentimes does things His own way.

This article is an abridged version of an article from the author’s book “The Gypsy Soul and Other Essays” available at amazon.com and Barnes and Noble. The author also runs a blog “Salt of Life” at http//salt-romblonwriter.blogspot.com

When in Cebu City, please visit gregmelep.com for your real estate and retirement needs.

Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer