The Better Half
By PAM BROOKE A. CASIN and JACKY LYNNE A. OIGA
Photo by PINGGOT ZULUETA
MANILA, Philippines – Noted novelist Milan Kundera once wrote in his book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" that for a love to be truly unforgettable, “fortuities must immediately start fluttering down to it like birds to Francis of Assisi’s shoulders.
” By this, Kundera meant that people’s relationships are molded and affected by chances and happy accidents—whether they like it or not.
These chances speak of great volumes to them. Once spotted, they read their message, analyze them, and assign them weight and meaning in the hope that the fortuities might eventually lead them to their fate.
These accidental occurrences are magic, like sparks to an otherwise ordinary day. And since they happen spontaneously and not out of a mundane, formulaic routine, people notice them. People believe them. Talk about receiving ‘signs’ from the heavens…
Such is the story of couple Michael and Tess Cacnio. It seems that theirs is a relationship defined by a lot of these signs from the heavens, in their own words "a lot of answered prayers," and of course, a lot of hard work. Between quips, anecdotes, and laughter, the couple shares that their first meeting was something they had always been hoping for. There were no pretensions, no attempts at being hard-to-get, no curtsy, cutesy gestures—just a very comfortable atmosphere between friends.
A brass sculptor born and raised in Malabon and The Outstanding Yong Men (TOYM) 2006 awardee, Michael says that he met Tess through the doings of Noel Cruz, their common friend (Michael’s church-mate and Tess’s college friend-cum-professor).
Tess reveals, “He’s a good friend of mine. I saw him again when I was already working for Matsushita Electric now Panasonic Corporation. He asked me how I was. Noong nagka-kwentuhan na kami, tinanong niya ako kung may boyfriend ako. ‘Wala,’ ang sabi ko. He said he has someone in mind for me. Ang tanong ko, ‘Anong itsura?’ He told me the guy is an artist. I grew up in Angono, Rizal and was exposed to a lot of artists in our place. I was actually expecting a long-haired guy, someone who looks rugged and all.
“I was the youngest at our office at the time and also single, so people tend to look forward to days when I have dates. The night I was finally meeting up with Michael, my officemates were all wondering why I was still at the office. Kadalasan hapon pa lang kasi, if you’re in the sales department, wala ka na sa opisina. I told them I was waiting for someone and that I had a date,” Tess continues.
When Michael arrived, Tess immediately took notice of his spotless Lacoste white shirt. Her hunch was disproven. Michael wasn’t every bit of the long-haired, rough, and unclean guy that Tess first thought of him to be. In fact, he was anything but those.
Michael discloses, “I was dating a lot at the time, but I got tired of it. Wala rin naman akong mapili sa mga nakaka-date ko. Nauubos pa pera ko sa kaka-date. I already wanted to find someone that could be my wife. So I prayed to God about this. Naniniwala ako na kapag nagdasal ka earnestly and deeply, God will answer your prayers. True enough, I got my answer the next day.”
God’s answer to Michael’s plea was a call from his church-mate, asking him if he wanted to meet up with someone—the long-legged and statuesque Tess. Michael says that he was attracted to Tess the minute she stepped inside his car. He quips, “Nakita ko ang long legs niya.” On a serious note, though, Michael explains how he was won over by Tess’ facility with words and inner beauty. He was hooked, so much so that he found it hard concentrating on his making his sculptural works. “I couldn’t sleep the night of our first date kakaisip sa kanya. That was the time I knew I’ve already fallen in love with her. First time ko ma-experience ‘yun. She was my answered prayer,” he admits.
Tess, on the other hand, feels the same way about her husband. “Sign na rin ata ito. Kasi mahirap ang telepono noon at nakatira pa ako sa Angono. Maintaining a healthy relationship requires constant communication, eh paano na lang kung walang telepono? Beeper pa ang uso noon. Sakto naman pag-uwi ko from our date, nagkaroon na ng telepono sa bahay. For me, it’s an answered prayer and a sign that I can finally establish and sustain a relationship. Plus, for so many years, throughout my single life, ‘yung road going to Angono wasn’t finished yet. Mahirap pumunta sa bahay namin. When I met Michael, the roads started to become smoother. It seems like everything was made easy for him,” she recalls.
This was in 1994. Two years after, the couple decided to get married. “We decided to get married because we wanted to enjoy ourselves. We didn’t have the freedom to fully explore when we were just boyfriend-and-girlfriend,” Tess says.
But their first few years of married life weren’t exactly as smooth-sailing as they had wanted it to be. The couple had apparent differences. Tess tells, “Walang honeymoon period. We had to make adjustments as soon as we started living under the same roof. He’s a homebody. I’m very much outgoing. He’s kind of obsessive compulsive. I’m makalat. We can say that we are total opposites. Also, he’s an artist. He’s very sensitive and his emotions either run low or high.”
The couple eventually worked things out by knowing when to push or pull. “You have to sacrifice. It’s a give-and-take situation. Kung pride ang paiiralin niyo, separation ang ending noon. What I like about my wife is that she’s not scared to express what she’s feeling,” Michael says.
“I think it’s just a matter of accepting everything. Kung hindi mo matanggap na mabigat ang traffic sa EDSA araw-araw, araw-araw ka ring maiinis. Kailangan ikaw na rin ang mag-adjust,” Tess offers.
The first struggle the couple overcame was the two of them coming from different religious backgrounds. Raised as a conservative Catholic, Tess willingly converted to Michael’s faith (Iglesia ng Dios Kay Kristo Hesus), though, before getting married. “It was a very hard decision but I felt that it was just right to have the same beliefs as him. Calling na rin para sa akin,” Tess shares.
The couple’s relationship became stronger when the kids came. Jacob (13), Mateo (8), and Lucas (4) were what held them together and made them more aware of their responsibilities as husband and wife. “Having children gave us all the more reason to make our relationship work. We’re not just thinking of ourselves anymore. We became more responsible because they’re now lives between us,” said Tess
Family life
Being stay at home parents is also a plus factor. Mike’s workshop is at their house as well as Tess’ office so their presence was deeply felt by the children as they grew up. When they leave for school, they are there to see them off. And when they come back, their parents are there to welcome them – although this kind of set up isn’t always fool proof.
“During summer vacation, we feel really guilty because that’s when they realize that although Mom and Dad are at home with them, we still have to work. So Mike and I make sure that Sunday is always family and Church day,” shared Tess.
“We are very fortunate and proud to have kids like Jacob, Mateo, and Lucas,” added Mike. “They’re all very unique and equally talented. Jacob, being the eldest is very mature. Mateo is very free-spirited and jolly, while Lucas is very affectionate and playful. And all of them are artistically inclined. At their young age, we can see their passion for arts already.”
Michael says that he draws inspiration from his family, particularly from playing and goofing around with his three boys. He then translates this element of playfulness and simple joy his kids share with him to his brass sculptures. One can notice how Michael’s works reflect the naiveté of child’s play and slices of Filipino life what with colorful balloon, kites, ice cream vendors, and boys who are fishing to mention a few as recurring motifs in his repertoire.
On his 20th year, though, as an artist, Michael is poised to reveal the more erotic, romantic, and decadent side of his works, a breather from his usual "wholesome" brass tableaus. Exploring sexuality and sensuality, Michael says that his recent exhibit is an expression of his “happy, healthy, and growing family life” and seemingly a paean to his relationship with Tess. Titled "Erotica," the show reveals the honesty of Michael, who admits that "making love" with his wife is a way to bond with her and a way to relieve stress.
Professional and personal relationship
When Mike asked Tess to be his manager, Tess was a little hesitant at first. Given that they have very different personalities that often clash with each other, Tess wasn’t sure if taking their relationship to a professional level could do more harm than good.
“When I finally agreed to handle his career, siya naman ang hindi makapag-adjust. Because as a manager, sometimes I make decisions for him and at first, he sometimes felt that I was bypassing him. To make it work, I make sure that he knows when I’m speaking as manager and when I’m speaking as a wife,” said Tess.
Tess may be handling Mike’s career but when it comes to their family, Mike always has the last say. But now, Mike and Tess effectively worked out their personal and professional partnership and work well as a team. “She has become my security blanket, and I depend on her on a lot of things. We may have a lot of differences but we complement each other perfectly,” said Mike.
To say that Mike and Tess are complete opposites maybe an understatement but acceptance, patience and understanding have led them to a beautiful marriage and a happy family. “There are couples who are very affectionate and sweet, we’re not like that. But we work as a team. We are one in everything. Our marriage is well-balanced and we function well together,” said Tess.
On parenting:
He said: Spending time and playing with my children is my way of recharging.
She said: I’m strict in a way that I make sure that they don’t get too spoiled. It’s my task to make sure there’s time for play, time to study.
On each other:
He said: She’s a super woman. Yung mga impossible nagagawa niyang possible for me and our children.
She said: He’s not 100 percent perfect but he is the kind of husband that everybody would want to have. He’s someone you’d thank God for having.
On celebrating Valentine’s Day
He said: My exhibit actually opens on Valentine’s Day so we’ll be very busy. But we can always celebrate when we get back home…
She said: The thing about us is that we’re so comfortable with each other it doesn’t bother us anymore if we don’t get to buy gifts for Valentine’s Day or other occasions. We can have a random dinner date anywhere, anytime we want.
Advice for other couples:
He said: For a relationship to work: One half of the couple must be a forgiver, they must put God in the center of their lives.
She said: We don’t regret that we married young because at least, when we reached our thirties we already have our minds set on what we want to achieve as husband and wife. So, if you truly love your girlfriend or boyfriend, sometimes it’s best to just go ahead and get married. Don’t wait too long
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Source: Manila Bulletin
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