Understanding 'inis'

Understanding 'inis'

The View from Rizal

By GOV. JUN A. YNARES, M.D.

July 3, 2011, 12:00am

MANILA, Philippines — I invited popular motivational speaker and corporate trainer Archie Inlong for coffee last week to convey the warm response that his insights on fatherhood printed in last Sunday’s column garnered from our readers.

It will be recalled that we wrote about “Great Dads” based on excerpts from Archie’s letter to us. His mini-treatise on what makes for outstanding fathers seemed to have made many of our readers who are fathers appreciate more their role in life.

Our readers asked for additional information on how to access Archie’s training programs and materials on public speaking, oral presentation, and media appearances. He said the best way would be to e-mail him atarchie_inlong@yahoo.com, or go to his Facebook profile (“Archie Inlong”).

Archie also said he occasionally shares tips on oral communication and personal branding in his blog (www.archieinlong.blogspot.com).

I understand Archie is senior partner of Wordcomm PR consultants based in Makati. His public speaking and oral presentation workshops, as well as his media training programs are done in partnership with the Asian Institute of Journalism and Communication.

When Archie stepped into my office, he jokingly said, “I hope mine is not the face that ruins your day.”

I immediately knew where Archie was coming from.

“Don’t we all have such people in our lives,” I joked back.

“But to have three of them is more than one’s quota of Calvary,” he refused to be beaten in the repartee.

“Is this going to be a session on the ‘anatomy of inis’?”, I tried to regain the upper hand in the exchange.

“Sure, unless that would cause you much irritation,” he shot back, grinning.

Then he opened an interesting conversation as he sipped coffee from beans sent to me by friends from Zamboanga City.

“Gov, do you know that we are never really ‘naiinis” at another person?” he asked.

I gave him my trademark frown to signal that I didn’t get his point.

“This is what I mean,” he moved on to explain. “When we are irritated by the face or the presence of another person, what really happens is we are simply reacting negatively to a reflection of ourselves that we see in that person,” he pointed out.

I refused to react on the ground that a reaction could cost me – politically, that is.

So, he proceeded with his treatise over black coffee.

“There are things we don’t like in ourselves,” Archie said. “We either know them or they are simply in our subconscious,” he added.

“Now, every time someone displays those characteristics that we don’t like in ourselves, we react with ‘irritation’,” he explained. “That’s when we say we are ‘naiinis’,” Archie attempted to conclude.

“Go on, I am listening,” I said, unable to conceal my growing interest on the subject matter.

“The reaction of ‘inis’ is usually the product of a feeling of ‘helplessness’,” he continued.

“Helpless regarding what,” I said, worried about the implication of our discussion.

“Helpless, because we feel there are things we don’t like about ourselves that we just can’t change,” Archie pursued the subject matter. “So, we get irritated by people who remind us about those things,” he said, seriously.

“Conclusion: it is with ourselves that we are really ‘naiinis’,” he made another attempt at closing that chapter of our conversation.

He failed. I wanted more.

So, I asked: “How does one deal with ‘inis’, therefore?”

“Well, two steps: first, accept; then, influence,” he said.

“Explain,” I insisted.

“First, we have to accept with graciousness that there are really things we don’t like about ourselves, and that everybody shares the same syndrome,” Archie explained. “Acceptance is the beginning of transformation into something better,” he elaborated.

“Then, we influence – first we influence not others but ourselves,” he continued. “By that, I mean, we inspire our own transformation; we overcome weaknesses; we create new habits; we learn; we practice,” Archie added.

“When others see that effort at personal transformation, we begin to exert positive influence on them – we help others change, including those who have previously triggered ‘inis’ in us,” he, at last, concluded.

Got it, I said.

“Pahabol, Gov,” Archie refused to surrender the agenda.

Go on, I replied, refusing to succumb to the urge to be “naiinis.”

“We attract people and things we don’t like more powerfully than those we like,” he appeared to warn.

“Unlike in magnets, in human relationships, like poles attract,” he said. “So, we can like others only if we can truly like ourselves because they simply mirror who we are,” he added.

“We can’t go through life just breaking those mirrors, as in ‘firing’ those whom we simply don’t like – we have to come to a point when we must go and take a good look at our reflection,” Archie seemed to have at last come to the end of the treatise.

Got it, I said again. He stood up to go. Then, I stood up myself to go to the restroom ... and to take a good look at the bathroom mirror.

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